Devon Home-Education Groups:
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Edited on 11th September
2010 from original article I wrote in February 2010
Trial by media,
misconceptions, ignorance, used for political gain...take your pick.
Thus far I have succeeded in keeping this website a political free zone.
When I awoke this morning at 5am, and lay in bed thinking about what the
day would have in store for me, my mind wandered into thinking what I
would write about later in the day. I wanted to write something about
how home-educators are perceived by the media. I wanted to talk about
the media slotting us all into convenient little boxes - the free and
easy hippy type, the fanatical religious type, the hot-housing "wanting
to produce child-genius" type - you get the idea. Why? Why don't the
media ever talk about ol' Joe Bloggs and family, happily home-educating
their children, with no reference to radical ideas, extreme views, child
abuse claims, Mensa joining, phenomenal IQ etc etc? Just a down to earth
"this is how we do it, and look no schoolroom, tutor or workbook in
sight, oh and we even have friends!" article that hasn't been negatively
twisted by the journalist, and could maybe even help dispel the myths
that surround the much misunderstood world that is Home-Ed. Argh, now
that wouldn't be news now would it?
Little did I know during my morning thought-fest, that by lunchtime my
day would become a swirl of frustration, disappointment, anger, upset,
and pure despair. I've so many thoughts, feelings and opinions pulsating
through my mind, I've gained yet another headache. But, enough is
enough. I've reached procrastination overload and it's time I unleashed
my thoughts onto the world wide web.
So, what has happened today to create this sudden u-turn? Enter Fern
Britton and a Radio 2 farce. Alarm bells should have rung immediately
when Fern opened her show with:
"Should home-educators be
required to follow the same rules as the rest of us?"
Erm, what rules are they
then Fern? Home-Educators do follow the exact same rules as every
other law-abiding citizen in the Country. If these rules that she speaks
of concern education, well the law states that it is the parents
responsibility to ensure that children receive a suitable education - we
do that, just at home (and in the big wide world) instead of within the
confines of the system.
I am absolutely sick to death of having to justify and defend that
law-given right in a so-called democratic country. I feel like the past
few months of my life have been spent pointing out media inaccuracies,
righting the wrongs, and fighting. Fighting for what? Fighting for
freedom of choice, fighting for parental rights, fighting for my
children. For my children - for that reason alone, I will not give up.
Let's get sidetracked and look at my reason for home-educating for a
moment. Initially it was due to my eldest son not thriving within the
school environment. The short version is that at 5 years old he became
withdrawn, painfully clingy and shy, and I was scared. I woefully
observed my happy-go-lucky, always smiling, cheeky child, deteriorate
into a figure beyond my recognition. He was returning home with broken
glasses numerous times a week, and was recoiling into a world of his
own. The teachers noticed a dramatic change in his personality and
commented on it - stating that he "wasn't his cheerful, happy self
anymore". He went from being the child whom would jump up and dress
himself in school uniform at 6am eager to get to school, to being
physically sick as we walked there within weeks. I can't begin to
explain how I felt at that time. Emotions consisted of fear, anger,
confusion - not eased as nobody could explain why it was happening.
Enough was enough. I researched bullying and school-phobia desperate for
alternatives and discovered (for the first time in my life) that
home-education was a legal option. Upon further investigation and much
soul-searching and worrying, the decision to de-register my son from
school was made (with the full support and agreement of my husband).
This was not an easy decision. It was certainly not a decision I took
lightly. It wasn't the easy way out. It was a choice I made to take full
responsibility to help my son. My son that had stopped talking. My son
who was petrified of being away from me (despite happily progressing
through the usual Nursery route, where leaving me had never been an
issue). My son who had lost the zest for life that he once had. My son
whose eyes had lost their spark and whose mouth had forgotten how to
smile. Why? To this day that question has never been adequately
answered. He will still mention children being horrid to him and
breaking his glasses. He will talk about the teacher ignoring him as she
couldn't understand what he was saying and didn't have time to try. He
will talk with such sadness about his short time in school.
I admit that the Home-Ed decision was initially a temporary one. I was
thinking a year at the most, just time to rebuild lost confidences and
work on the speech problems.
On March 3rd of this year, we celebrated our 7 years of home-educating
anniversary.
So why have we stuck at it? Why have I sacrificed the chance of a
career? Why did we make the decision to live on one income and go
without the luxury holidays abroad, the meals out, the posh cars, and
all the other material trappings that so many others relish? Why do I
pour over our finances every single month, worrying that there won't be
enough in the bank to cover the rent and utility bills, knowing that I
could go out and get a decent paid job to cover it? Put simply, for
love. Now, before I get jumped on for that comment, I'm not for one
cotton-picking minute saying that I love my children more than those
parents whose children go to school. Most (I'd like to say all, but
cases reported by the media suggest otherwise) parents unconditionally
love, worship, and adore their children and choose what they believe to
be the best for them and their family unit. I'm not anti-schools in any
way and never have been. I just believe in choices. I believe in
individuals. I believe that the school system can't and won't suit every
child, just as home-education wouldn't suit every family. My children
all have the choice to go to school if they wish to do so. I have made
that clear from day one, if they want to try it, I will back them 100%.
They don't (as yet).
So why am I feeling backed into a corner? Why do I feel like I'm
fighting for survival? Do you know what home-educators face on a day to
day basis? (That question is obviously directed at any non-HErs that
happen to cross paths with this blog). We face nothing short of
persecution. We have complete strangers stop us in the street/in the
library/in the supermarket/at the hairdressers/in the Doctors surgery to
enquire why our children aren't in school. I get nervous. Not (as the
media would have you believe) because I have something to hide, but
because I worry about the reaction the mere mention of home-education
will receive. Admittedly, some people think that it's wonderful. We will
stand and chat about the state of the school system, how home-education
works, answer questions about socialisation and the legal stand point. I
like those discussions. I like talking about something I'm passionate
about (can you tell?) I like people to know that there is an alternative
to traditional schooling - not to stir up trouble or to stand out from
the crowd - but because the more people that know about it, the more
normal it will be seen as. This in turn may mean the less negativity we
receive. Let's talk about that. Why do complete strangers who know
nothing about myself or my family think that passing judgement on my
life is acceptable? Is it ok for somebody unknown to you to shout about
it being "disgusting that you are allowed to do that!" or that "you are
destroying your children's lives!" in the middle of the street? Why? Why
is wanting what works for my children and my family wrong or disgusting?
Why is it so strange for people to comprehend that a mother (and/or a
father) may actually enjoy spending time with their children? Why am I
deemed weird/a saint/wonderful/just plain strange for doing something so
incredibly natural?
I'll never understand it.
So why does it work for us? We are your average family with average
children (if there is such a thing). They have their individual talents
of course, but none are going to become an academic genius any time
soon, and that's absolutely fine. Throughout the 7 years of us
home-educating, I have seen my children thrive in so many ways. I have
watched relationships between siblings grow closer, I have seen
confidences grow and expectations excelled. I have experienced how much
the younger ones gain from having the older ones around. I have been
witness to Tiegan (now 8) teaching herself to read, and Callum (now 5)
teaching himself how to spell his name, count to 100, start wanting to
write, and teaching himself the letter names and sounds of the alphabet.
Joseph has been signed-off from his speech therapy sessions - and
home-education was credited for his success. The speech-therapist
actually said "I have no doubt that if Joe was still in school, I
wouldn't be signing him off today. The home-education has been his
saviour". I see my 4, well-rounded and fully adjusted children,
progressing into becoming what I believe will be amazing adults. At 14
years of age my daughter will hug me in the street and tell me she loves
me. We share in-depths chats, bake together, go shopping together, give
each other fashion advice. I haven't had to compete with her peers to
fight to be heard and listened to. Before this get misconstrued, I feel
I should defend that last comment (see? Something is wrong when you feel
you should defend something you write for your own website...) I don't
keep my children wrapped up all safely and cosy in cotton wool away from
the big bad world. I don't squeeze us all into a little bubble (or into
the cupboard under the stairs, or locked away in the cellar, or anywhere
else the media might have you believe...) and keep my children away from
the big bad rollercoaster that is life. My children are out there,
experiencing it in all it's glory. Yes they have friends, yes they mix
with people of their own age (as well as with those much younger and
much older - just as in the real world!) What better preparation for
life is there than that? Frankly, I find it quite strange that it is
perceived as normal to force children to spend their day enclosed within
a room full of people because they share the same school year. I've
never understood the lack of socialisation issue that is so often thrown
at us HErs. Friends come to visit, we go to others houses, we go to
groups, my children go down to the park (yes, alone sometimes without me
there to hold their hand, shock and horror!) and mix with the school
children. They can go to Brownies and Scouts (again socialising with
school children, and without me with them!), they get invited to
parties, go swimming, shopping with friends, play football, the list
goes on and on. Home-educated children are not shut away and hidden from
society as some would have you believe. They are not missing out on
forming friendships. They are not lacking in socialisation skills. They
are fully-fledged members of society, integrating within the community.
The world is their classroom, life is their learning tool.
So, *deep breath* back to the Radio 2 show with Fern Britton today that
sparked this gut-spilling posting. As I was already incensed by the
totally inaccurate and clearly biased media coverage of the tragic Khyra
Ishaq case in the past 2 days, where it was stated (wrongly) that Khyra
was being home-educated, I guess I shouldn't have tuned in. Fern Britton
showed absolutely no understanding of what home-education is - the legal
aspect, the procedure to de-register, the powers for intervention
currently in place, or even how it is done. Nothing. How can somebody
earn money by spouting rubbish about a subject that they know nothing
about? Forget I asked that, I already know. During the very short
duration (cut short perhaps? Was certainly a great deal shorter than the
other topics covered), that home-education was the subject, let's see
some of the misconceptions and generally ignorant assumptions and
comments that were made by Fern and her guests.
"Do home-educators have to show the LA their schoolroom?"
"Oh, erm, home-educators have to show a little bit of work to prove
education is taking place."
"Parents aren't qualified to teach."
"Home-Educated children lack socialisation with children of their own
age."
"Home-Educated children lack socialisation with adult professionals."
"But how, if there is no schoolroom, do you stop children running wild
and daydreaming?" (Oh, we tie them to the nearest chair and beat them
into submission. - Noooooo of course we don't, but I wonder, given the
misconceptions, if it would have come as a surprise if we did..)
Throughout the show the link between home-education and the Khyra Ishaq
case was repeated. There was no link. There is no link. Dear dear Khyra
was failed by the system. Failed by those that didn't intervene. The
powers are already in place, the necessary child-safety checks can
legally be made in such a case, but nothing was done. To use a child's
death for political gain and to sell newspapers is wrong. To insist on
using the case against law-abiding citizens, and make all home-educators
out to be possible child-abusers who are in need of regulation and
assessment is just wrong. Plain unadulterated wrong. The phrase cracking
a nut with a hammer has been used and suits the situation perfectly.
There was more - but I can't bring myself to repeat it further. But the
bright light shining through the dull fog was that of Ann Newstead who
battled bravely as a positive for Home-Education despite the surrounding
negativity.
Of course, being a radio phone-in show, the listeners were encouraged to
get in touch and have their say *rubs hands with glee.* Glee soon turned
to disappointment.
Message 1 - "Children should be together with those of their own age."
Message 2 - "Home-Education should only be for disabled children."
Then there was a caller on the phone line - a home-educator who could
talk about both sides of the argument as she had children in school and
one at home. She sang the praises of Home-ed and how it worked for her.
At least she sang as many praises that could be sung within the heavily
exerted time restraint of the show.
Then caller two - a step-dad who hadn't agreed with his partner
home-educating her son. Apparently he should have been able to learn
from his peers. Apparently his step-son resents his home-education
history (although said son wasn't there to speak for himself, so there
may have been positives and negatives to his feelings, we don't know).
And there you go. That was it.
The world of the wonderful media in all it's unbiased and balanced
glory. *Sigh*
Why are there so many people that just don't get it? Why can't some
people see that children can receive a perfectly well-rounded education
and social life outside the confines of a classroom? Why is the whole
teacher-pupils-classroom-school thing the only way that some people
believe to be a good education? Why am I constantly feeling like I'm
banging my head against a brick wall....?
Listen. I am happy with my life. I am more than content with my role as
mother, wife, learning facilitator and homemaker. My children are happy
(the most important thing to me), but more than that, they are kind,
caring, considerate members of society. They have lots of friends. They
do lots of "learning" including the usual maths, sciences, geography,
history, art etc, even though we don't follow the curriculum or have
structured daily learning, and I'm not a qualified teacher.
Home-education can be wonderful, but it wouldn't be a lifestyle choice
that suits everyone. Just please dear non-HErs and the powers that be,
don't persecute those that have made that choice to be fully responsible
for their children. Please don't be swayed by the horror tales that the
media are banding around without evidence, research or any knowledge of
the subject. Please don't let Ed Balls, the Government, or anybody else
with some sort of point scoring or money making agenda, persuade you
that home-educators need to be watched, assessed, registered, and
anything else they dream up for us, despite no evidence deeming it
necessary. If we need watching to safeguard our children from abuse -
what about those of not yet school age? What about those off school for
medical reasons? What about weekends and during school holidays?
After all, six weeks is plenty long enough for abuse to occur, should
they come and just check all is ok in your household too?
Rant over.
*Disclaimer*
These are my own personal thoughts and opinions. My own experiences, my
own (admittedly hot-headed) rants and distresses. I will not apologise
for voicing my opinion here on this website - but I do apologise if any
distress or offence is caused to those that don't share my views. If you
don't like what I'm writing - don't read it, but I'd prefer it if you do
:o)
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